Home » Count Vicegrim's Letters » Count Vicegrim’s Letters: Chapter 6 Sex and Commitment

Count Vicegrim’s Letters: Chapter 6 Sex and Commitment

The Count Vicegrim LettersThe Demon Mudpot’s Annual Review regarding the Temptation of the Patient in His 20th Year

Mudpot,

Sometimes I think you were invented by the Enemy as a punishment for me. You get my hopes up and dash them only to get them up again. To make it worse you are prone to taking risks. Sometimes they pay off Mudpot. Sometimes, there will be hell to pay.

Let’s explore your gambles this year.

Things That have Gone Well Enough

You have begun the slow spiral of pornography again. You are exhibiting much more patience this time which I commend you for. It is better to let the roots sink in slowly. You were too ambitious last time and I don’t need to remind you of what happened then.

You have done a masterful job of having him pick the path of spiritual birth at the expense of spiritual growth. Keep reminding him of forgiveness as if that is a license to keep offending the Enemy. You see Mudpot, it is very important that the vermin never learn that the path to joy is obedience.  If it ever became commonly known that it made one happy to obey the Enemy, we would be ruined. As it is, we have made obedience loathsome and in the process made the Enemy into the great despot in the sky.

One of the most important goals you will have is to suppress your patient’s conscience. He will always feel that twinge of remorse when he sins. The Enemy’s Spirit may take that tiny spark of guilt and grow it. It is your job to stamp it out. There are many potential ways to stamp out guilt, but I think the best one for your patient is to keep him very busy. I know it is strange to make the business argument because he seems to have time to sin, but not to obey the Enemy. Despite this, business has worked on Americans for centuries as an excuse so there is no reason to think it will stop now.

It is so delightful to see that he is doing good works and neglecting the Bible. Keep it up. Make sure the community he is in praises him often for his help of the poor. It is important to make good works an end in themselves. When they are connected with honoring the Enemy, that is when they become dangerous. We would love it if the whole of humanity was well fed, free from disease, kind to each other, and smiling as they marched sweetly into Hell. Charity work that does not bring the vermin to the Enemy is music in the Great Lord’s ears.

Areas of Concerns

I see you have gotten him dating. It is good to have him lusting after a female, but I see no mention of getting him to fornicate with her. Fornication is key, Mudpot. While a pornography problem is well and good, it needs to mature into even more helpful sins. 

Remember that the Enemy’s Plan is for a vermin male and female to follow the Enemy’s Son together. They then commit to each other and then only have sexual relations with each other until death. It is our job to derail this plan.

The first step is to convince the vermin that sex is a right. That somehow they have been robbed if they do not get to have sex. When this sense of entitlement is set firmly into the vermin heart, suddenly the Enemy is not providing them with a gift of sexual union. No! Now he is a Scrooge who sets limits on sexual union. Far from being grateful for a gift, they will grumble that they have to wait for it.

The next step is to separate sex from any sense of commitment. While you and I can see the connections that sex creates between the vermin, they can’t.  Many of them have not even known someone whose soul was not warped and scarred from many sexual unions. They think it is normal. If you are really good, you can convince them it is healthy. You need to work hard on your patient’s existing fear of commitment. Don’t allow him to think there might be joy for him in commitment. Push him to believing that marriage is a prison instead of a place where the Enemy can show him his sin and refine him.

The lack of commitment as well is good practice for future adultery. If a vermin male is having regular sexual relations with a female and then decides she doesn’t please him any more and leaves, he is setting a pattern that will hopefully last into a future marriage. Sometimes Mudpot, I wonder why the Enemy made them so stupid. Why would he even pretend to like them? Obviously they are nauseating creatures.

Finally and most importantly, make sure that sex has nothing to do with the Enemy. It is a private matter that doesn’t have any religious implications. Of course, your patient will never say that, but get him to believe it. One of the most helpful phrases to use is “Nobody will get hurt.” This is, of course, patently ridiculous. But the vermin believe it. Despite the devastation surrounding them, we have convinced almost all of them that somehow sex is a truly private matter.

WHEN (not if) you get him to fornicate, there are some important preparations you need to make. You will need to emphasize his fear of commitment even more. You see, that fear is what you will use to press him to accept an abortion should the vermin female becomes pregnant. If you can get him to be accepting of killing their child, she will be much easier to persuade.

Additionally, make sure that the sexual interaction are not based on serving or caring for the female, but about pleasuring him. The quickest way to remove the enjoyment of sex is to seek that enjoyment exclusively. We know that the fornication will set his up for a wonderful failure, but it will be even better if he is focused only on his own pleasure. The allows him to be the victim. He can then blame the female and the Enemy for his misery. It makes me giddy to think about it.

Another important reason to have him fornicating is your report that he is looking to going to seminary. I am very concerned about this turn of events. Some of the most dangerous vermin to us are in pulpits. Don’t forget that he is a High Risk patient. There are ways to sabotage him on his path to the pulpit, but I would be much more comfortable if he were becoming a plumber.

Let’s assume the worst which is that he will be going to a seminary that belongs to the Enemy and that he will be filling a pulpit in just a few years. In that case, we need to keep building a double life for him now. He needs to have a public life that looks good and a hidden life of sin. It will be little now, but today the seeds will be planted that could grow into delightful thorns.

The stakes are high, Mudpot. Even if he does grow into a dangerous servant of the Enemy, there is hope. If he becomes as prominent as we fear, how much more delightful if we can engineer a public fall from grace. There is the possibility of great reward or great punishment for you.

Don’t screw this up.

Count Vicegrim

Image created by Cavin and used with permission

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