Home » Count Vicegrim's Letters » Neutering the Clergy: Foreword by Count Vicegrim

Neutering the Clergy: Foreword by Count Vicegrim

OldBookGenerally, when a fellow Demon of Rank asks me to write in their book, I am reluctant. A demon of my caliber only has time for so many requests while attending my other duties. Many times they are simply looking to add my prestigious reputation to their mediocre work.

So when Lord Blackmist asked me to read his work, I suspected such a request was coming. Much to my surprise, Neutering the Clergy is the most helpful work on taming the pastor problem that I have ever read. Lord Blackmist’s insightful mind and entertaining writing style is really only surpassed by my own.

What I think is most helpful in Neutering the Clergy is his emphasis on the five Anything Buts. Many a demon has been nearsighted in their focus on the sins that they prefer causing in their patients. Lord Blackmist’s focus on the Anything Buts will encourage every demon to simply avoid the Enemy.

It is so easy to forget that the goal is not necessarily to get your patient to sin, but to get them to the brink of Hell and shove them in. The Anything Buts assist us greatly in this endeavor. This is not just a book for the demon of a pastor, it is a book for all tempters everywhere.

If I may steal a little of Lord Blackmist’s thunder, I shall briefly review them.

Anything but the Enemy’s Book

This may seem elementary, but how many demons forget it. With phrases throughout the world that reference back to the Enemy’s book, we need to be vigilant. Phrases like, “Carry your cross” and “God is good” seem harmless enough, but may spark the curiosity of a listener. Even phrases we have entirely co opted like “judge not lest ye be judged” are used for our purposes but carry the real risk of being used by the Enemy’s Spirit.

Even television isn’t wholly safe for us. I was watching an American Football game recently for an academic paper on idolatry when suddenly I see a banner that says, “John 3:16.” Even these insignificant pushes could encourage your patient toward the Enemy. Your vigilance is of utmost importance. Get your patient to go to Anything But the Enemy’s book.

Anything but Faith

Of course I mean faith in the Enemy’s Son. Surely it should be easy to keep your patient away from information about the Enemy which would keep them from ever finding faith. It is not so easy. The vermin have this drive built into them to seek the Enemy. The constant needs their bodies experience that once satisfied, must again be filled. These endless needs point to an endless source. It is one of our most difficult challenges to fill those drives with Anything But faith. The work we have to do to keep them distracted from that gnawing hole in their souls.

Lord Blackmist does a great job of encouraging flexibility. Many a demon is looking to create some crippling addiction that will consume their patient. It is well and good when this works, but most of the time we need to allow them to drift from one distraction to another. This is the difference between success and failure. You will need to learn and practice not only stamping out faith, but stamping our anything that looks like it might resemble faith.

Anything but Grace

If the endless access to faith creating needs were not burdensome enough, the endless supply of his grace filling joys is stunning. The ridiculous supply of needed things like food, clothing, and shelter for those vile creature is enough to drive demon mad. That same supply of fulfillments for their needs is always working against us.

The Grand Canyon, stars, galaxies, trees, rocks, flowers, oceans, life, children, athletes, heroes, hurricanes, peaceful breezes, and a host of other created things all constantly point to a loving creator. The Enemy has really stacked the deck against us. Not only is there that gap in their souls but there is also an endless sea of arrows pointing to the Enemy.

The solution, as Lord Blackmist points out, is self-sufficiency. We need to convince the vermin that there is an endless sea of needs and they are the source to fill them. Of course we know this is patently absurd, but they believe it many times and we need to use that belief. If they want to believe that they are as strong as the Enemy, let them.

Anything but the Enemy’s Son

I remember the day very clearly. I was a younger tempter then, working far from Israel. It was a good time to be a demon. A young page named Wormwood came to me breathlessly with news from the Great Lord. He said that the Enemy had become a human.

I actually nearly stabbed Wormwood through for blasphemy against the spirit world. What vile nonsense? Not even the Enemy would drop to a ploy that base, that foolish. It was only on reading the letter signed by the Great Lord himself that I believed. To this day, I am stunned.

What spirit would ever wish to become that crude meat? The Enemy’s purposes in this are still ambiguous. Surely he has some very subtle ploy he is working out. I have suspected that maybe he pretended to be a person somehow that even fooled us. But I saw him myself. The magnificent and frightening power of the Enemy, wrapped in filthy skin.

While we stand in disbelief, the vermin themselves yawn. It has been effective for centuries to make the Enemy’s son a thing of boredom. While it is delightful to have them speak of him to no effect, it is far better that no one speaks of him. For those of you in the Western World, this is easier. We have made it rude to mention him in most settings. But we need to stamp out any reference to him at all. I don’t simply mean that no one should even use his name in vain. I mean no one uses his name AT ALL!

Victory can be achieved if they want Anything But the Enemy’s son.

Anything but the Enemy’s Glory

Even when we have completely lost, when the vermin turn to the Enemy’s son and believe in him, we still have some hope of neutering them. The Enemy’s Spirit in them will drive them toward slavery to him (albeit, a joyful slavery). We need to sabotage this at every turn. The key place to do this is to represent the Enemy as different than he presents himself.

You see, we don’t really know why he has done so much for the vermin in the world. Obviously, he can’t love them. Every spirit with any sense knows that they are grotesque. But we have been unable to discern his true intent. It is a mystery that the Lowerarchy has struggled with for millenia.

But he does present himself as loving and kind to them which must be part of his deeper plot. In that case, we must present him as Anything But loving, kind, just, and patient. We can make him out to be distant and uncaring. We can present him as harsh and overbearing. Honestly, I don’t care. As long as he is presented and Anything But glorious.

There is an irony in this. We know he really doesn’t love them and thus we are truly exposing the Enemy’s lie to them. I am not often accused of presenting the truth to the vermin, but as long as it works against the Enemy, I can be for it. Even honesty.

Really, we are still lying to them because we don’t know what his motives are. I take comfort in that anyway.

In Summary

While I have focused on the parts that apply to the average vermin, there is a wealth of useful information on how to corrupt even the most resilient of the Enemy’s servants. I even learned a thing or two from reading Neutering the Clergy and that is a high compliment indeed.

-Count Vicegrim

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