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A Lord Vicegrim Christmas

the-nativity-storyThe following is an excerpt from The Messiah Report by the demon Lord Vicegrim who was the Intelligence Director for The Messiah Project. 

We had been following the pregnancy for months and it was clear that the Enemy was in Heaven. The Enemy’s Spirit (which no one has ever reported seeing) was obviously moving, and the Enemy’s Son was inside this…vermin. It is impossible to describe the repugnance of a spirit, a pure spirit, becoming mere crude matter. Yet there he was, shining out from inside that female. There was no denying that this was a member of the Trinity.

As if we needed more evidence, when we looked toward Heaven, the Enemy’s Son was missing. He was just gone. Only the Enemy was visible. So he was missing from Heaven and he was there inside this female.

We had the Prophecy Division working night and day to determine what events would happen next and to see if there was any way to derail them. It was too late that we realized that the punishing census we had orchestrated using Augustus Caesar was going to direct the female toward Bethlehem with her mate. Every effort, of course, was made to prevent their trip, but that failed.

The Enemy was especially preventive of us causing weather disasters or earthquakes to delay their arrival. We had recommended to High Lord Massblood that we should arrange for all the housing in the Bethlehem region to be filled with the hope of somehow killing the infant when he was born.

The Archangel Gabriel was moving so quickly with messages and commands that we had a great deal of difficulty gaining intelligence on him. He had not been this active in centuries so there was great concern in the Lowerarchy that the Enemy was planning something devious. We had to account for all possibilities.

As the male and female approached Bethlehem, she began to go into labor. We were prevented by the Enemy from causing any problems with the delivery, but because they had not arrived yet, we hoped that luck was on our side. Maybe we could arrange for delivery in the open field. It was getting toward evening and the Gynecology Division felt that she was going to have a fast labor.

When the male arrived in Bethlehem and, as prepared, there was no space available for them.  We hoped against hope that the child would be born in the elements. After over an hour of checking, we were working with his demons to cause him to despair. When he finally arrived at one inn, the innkeeper said there was some room in a cramped stable in the back. This was unfortunate. There was some blankets available and the innkeeper and his wife were both servants of the Enemy. Again the Enemy had thwarted us.

While we were distracted by the ongoing labor, one of our scouts came rushing into our Bethlehem Headquarters. Three divisions of Angelic Warriors were marching toward Bethlehem. This was unforseen. Several questioned whether this was the end. That the baby was merely a distraction to keep us busy while the Angelic Armies prepared to annihilate us.

The Great Lord was present and he said that, in his judgement, this was not the plan. The Enemy was up to something else. As the divisions approached, they stopped just outside of Bethlehem. The Great Lord, which his keen eyesight, saw both Gabriel and Michael in the lead. Surely this was a trap.

We sent scouts to see what they were doing (better to say, we threatened scouts with death if they didn’t go). Then Gabriel came out of the Angelic Army and stood on a hilltop a few miles from the town. He was obviously speaking with someone, but we couldn’t see who.

Suddenly, the whole army began to SING! Waves of delighted and joyous singing crashed over the whole regions. How disgusting? The Enemy has an army which would be nearly sufficient to wipe us out and instead, he makes them into a Choir. How childish? I hate how he toys with us. They sang for about 15 minutes (it was later that we learn that the whole display was seen by about a dozen shepherds). How juvenile! The Enemy brought the glories of Heaven to some stupid sheep-herders.

The Angelic Army then turned and left, singing all the way back to Heaven. Needless to say, we were perplexed by their actions. We returned our attention to the infant. The female was in hard labor and then delivered a healthy male child.

The child opened its mouth and cried. The shockwave in the spiritual world was deafening. It was like the concussion from a physical explosion as the child, who was also the creator of the universe, cried.

We saw the immense power that the child possessed. The magnificent power that the Enemy wields was now in the hands of a human infant.

We all fled. Even the Great Lord. This child could crush us all with a thought. We did not want to become the play-things of a child-God. For the first time in all history, a whole village of vermin did not have a single tempter in it. It was several weeks before the bravest of us would return.

Thus began the life of the Enemy’s Son is putrid flesh. The Great Lord help us all.

-Lord Vicegrim

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